Not how I thought it would play out. Anyways...
The pencil. I don't know what you are referencing, so I'll use my own reference.
The girl from Korn's "Let The Guilt Go" (I'll post the video later) uses her telekinesis on the pencil and stabs the lanterns IN DA FACE!!!
Superman vs Batman vs a duck

EDIT: Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP2gRHj6cxA

The duck. It outsmart Batman by being a Duck, and superman thinks the duck is kryptonite.

6 VS 7 Vs 8

7 b/c 7 8 6 & 8 was used as a verb instead of a number

Red cars? VS Tini shoes?? VS Golden Fish?????

Red Cars? becuase they run over the shoes and the fish. Fish pancakes anyone?

Fish pancakes VS pancakes VS CHOCOLATE BROWNIES

CHOCOLATE BROWNIES
It is in all caps. Therefore, bigger than the pancakes and fish pancakes.
Z vs A vs Bananas

A, getting an A in school is the best you can do. Getting a B(anana) is pretty good. Getting an F is bad though. But you know you've ed up when you get a Z...

A universe we have yet to discovere VS The black hole that will transport us to that universe VS The black hole of Cygnus X-1

I got a Z once... *sniff*
Hole to Cygnus X-1. The other black hole could lead us to nothingness for all we know. And b/c of that, the other universe is not known of.
Ghost Recon vs MoH vs CoD vs a kitten (again)

Since it would be wrong to say Mass Effect Three, I guess Ghost Recon... But mass effect three is still better (anyone else play the AWESOME demo yet?!?!).

A ninja versus the laws of gravity.

Umm... MoH = Medal of Honor. Just want to make it clear. Do not know how it could be Mass Effect 3. Anyways...
Ninja. Its the original chuck norris. But, it cant be. Yes, it can. Remember Return of the Dragon? Yeah. Its possible.
Water vs Steel vs Chuc- Oh, yeah. No Chuck Norris. Next best thing: Doctor Who.
So its Water vs Steel vs Doctor Who.
Just want to make it clear.
If you dont know who Doctor Who is, well, there is no hope for you.

Doctor who?

Since I've never heard of this obviously insignificant doctor, then I can only assume that he is not very important. Therefore, Steel wins, because I have a friend named Steel, and she drinks all of the water.

The essence of a dream VS. An albino Sasquatch with a Coldplay CD

Dont know Doctor Who? RRRAAAAGGGGGEEEEE.
*Five minutes later*
Sorry, that was a very big fail.
Essence wins. What? Its the only thing that can actually be close to real. Where is a bigfoot going to get a cd, anyways?
I'm thinking viral video fight.
Angry dad w/ Colt .45 vs Laptop vs fb post.
Heh heh.

First, for the sake of an inside joke, you are my new best friend for siding for Sasquatchs (and Bigfoot) NOT being real.

To answer your post, the laptop. As the angry dad shoots me, I'll use the laptop to hire a hit an to take him and his colleagues out. The facebook post is irrelevant.

Minecraft vs. Terraria

@ Samurott: I'm just joking. I know who Doctor Who is. He's the one who discovered penicillin, right?

@ Argonaut: You're just afraid to admit you know the truth. Sasquatches are real.


Anyways...

Minecraft. I don't think that anything else really needs to be said here.

Clocks VS. A scientist VS. The color yellow

@twist: I hope your kidding, otherwise... Well, yeah. Rage.
@Argonaut: I never said Bigfoot isnt real. Why? That'll be a lie. I just dont know where he will ever get a cd.
Anyways,
The color yellow. Clock annoys scientist, which prompts him to blow it up. Then he watches my video that I made from a Final Cut Pro 6 tutorial video that uses footage from the documentary of the color yellow. It is deemed unworthy of epileptic patients. When I finally post it on YouTube, I'll post a link.
The aforementioned epileptic video vs a box of chocolates vs a bunny
This should be interesting.

The bunny because after it eats the chocolates, it cant watch epileptic videos because it doesnt know how to turn it on, so it just leaves and eats a carrot

My snails VS my gerbils (Giovanni and Archer beat that, pokemon bosses of other games) VS my dog VS my other dog VS my neighbors cat (these matches are going dirty now)

Snail. The gerbil starts a fight with the cat, which the dogs try to kill. The gerbil sits back and laughs at its handiwork, then the snail eats gives the gerbil a disease, which kills it.
And besides, snails, fezzes, and bowties are cool.
Fuzzy wuzzy vs fek deesh (people who speak german should know what that means) vs the WTF Blanket from Jacksfilms (Its a parody of the snuggie)

Fuzzy Wuzzy, because all the other blankets made me itchy and i burned them.
Nyan Cat vs The duck from the duck song vs Jack Skelington

Nyan Cat. Two reasons:
1.) It's a future pokemon!
AND...
Oh my **** god guys! Here it comes!!! (No jokes. Please. If you joke, I'll send gojira to kill you. If you dont know who that is, there's no hope for you!)
2.)Nyannyannyanyannyannyannyannyannyan!
After reading the ending of last year's game, I'm bringing sexy this one "VS." back. S-r, welcome to hell. Again. Hehehe!!! >:)
The leaf from last year's game Vs. Shuckle-rock$

The leaf because it flew in his throat and he died...grim right?
(The User) Samurott vs a 99 foot chili cheese dog.

Hmmm, the meteor.... sadly yes because it would crush me. DUH! Now then,
The worlds thickest brick VS. Samurotts head. (Nothing Personal)

The ACTUAL Shiny Lucario, because its so rare he wouldnt dare hurt something so beautiful.
Krisp vs Jigglypuff ( the admin)

JigglyPuff because I think Jigglypuffs are cute. Besides, krisps cant sing!
I'm so glad my game didn't go to the toilet. Yet.
The Darkrai figure that weighs down my gerbils' cage VS the Giritina figure for the same purpose.