652/161. Boldore and 651/160. Roggenrola: Generation V, #525 and #524

Back when I reviewed Luvdisc on the original list, I spoke about how it's a shockingly literal Pokemon representation of a heart. Another recurring theme of my original list was my feeling that most Rock-type Pokemon who aren't Fossils are incredibly dull. Magnify these opinions tenfold and we get Roggenrola and Boldore, who are quite possibly the two most boring designs that Gamefreak could ever come up with. Do they have faces? No. Do they have any defining features at all? No. Are they literally two slabs of rock that spontaneously grew legs and have the ability to move? Yes. While they're wonderfully convenient sources of Everstones, they're also pretty damn annoying to face in wild battles thanks to the new mechanics of Sturdy, their names are painfully embarrassing puns even for Pokemon's lofty standards, and the way Roggenrola moved its "mouth" in the anime to talk looked uncomfortably similar to an asshole opening and closing. And unlike all of the other Unova replacements to Kanto mainstays, I was actually kind of sad to see these non-descript borewhores replace Geodude and Graveler who, despite me not liking them extremely either, at least had a hundred times more personality.

638/159. Therian Thundurus and 637/158. Therian Tornadus: Generation V, #642 and #641

You know, although they're still completely hideous, were a pretty awful way to introduce the new content of Black and White and, upon first seeing them, I even reacted as such on the main site, which is something I rarely do, there's something oddly more respectable about the Therian forms of the Kami trio. Sure, they have nothing in common with the original trio's inspirations of Raijin, Fujin and Inari, but it's almost like their existence is evidence of Gamefreak realizing what a big mistake they'd made from having the Incarnate trio look -- and in Tornadus and Thundurus's cases, have stat spreads -- like xerox copies of each other and decided to fix that problem. If they released these forms first, I seriously doubt I'd like them thanks to issues addressed in the next paragraph, but I'd probably find the entire trio a lot more palatable overall. Unfortunately, as they stand right now, they're still alternate forms of garbage, they're still acquired through DSi shovelware in a way that makes little sense, and their designs still aren't too hot in the first place.

It's hard to tell what exactly the designers were aiming for with the Therian trio. At first I thought they were maybe going for an air, earth and water them because the low-quality images of Therian Thundurus in the original Corocoro leaks made it resemble some sort of crack mermaid, and even after higher-quality images came out, I still thought Therian Thundurus was a busted up sea hag and possibly underwent a sex change thanks to his wacky new hairstyle and weirdly-placed bra of chest scales. But s/he(?) has those claws and oddly-shaped goat feet and so is presumably some sort of land animal; either way, despite the comic novelty of the newer design, Thundurus definitely took a turn for the uglier. Therian Tornadus, while having an impressive set of wings and a not entirely awful design overall, as well as a cooler ability (IMO), still has the odious green and purple color scheme of its original form and a newer, lamer, more "balanced" stat spread. So, even though they're improvements in some ways, there's also still a lot of problems that hold down Therian Tornadus and Therian Thundurus to this extent.

633/157. Swadloon and 622/156. Whirlipede: Generation V, #541 and #544

Despite the decent gap between these two in the rankings, I'm doing a combined write-up for them because I'd basically be writing the same entry twice otherwise. Now, are Swadloon and Whirlipede objectively more creative designs than cocoons of Generations past? Yes, of course. Swadloon's look of disapproval/"please save me mommy as I hide within my blanket" gesturing with its arm leaves do give it some much-needed personality compared to Metapod and Kakuna, while Whirlipede's cocoon slash monster truck wheel aesthetic -- oh, sure, he's technically supposed to be a rolled up centipede, but Gamefreak sure didn't go out of their way to distinguish him from the typical Pokemon cocoon design, because I didn't even realize that he wasn't supposed to be a cocoon until I researched for this entry on Bulbapedia -- is definitely a step-up from the paintstakingly straightforward Silcoon and Cascoon.

But some creative window dressing can only do so much to cover up the fact that cocoon Pokemon are inherently boring and need to stop happening, their dual-typings are dull and overused, and neither of these Pokemon have expressive faces, nor nearly a face at all in Whirlipede's case. Also, since I never used him in the games, I didn't know until researching that Whirlipede actually gets an entire level-up moveset while Swadloon doesn't, which is weird to me because they're supposed to be counterparts of sorts, Swadloon already gets a bunch more moves than Metapod, et al ever did, and their stats are already much higher than the rest of the Bug-type cocoons anyway. So while they're probably the best execution of cocoon Pokemon ever, it's still can't compensate for the fact that the concept itself sucks (and I readily admit that they're below Metapod and Kakuna because I have no nostalgic feelings for them, DWI anti-Kanto fanboys ).

617/155. Ferroseed: Generation V, #597

Ferroseed has a lot of the same problems as Ferrothorn did, namely the annoying type that combines one of my favorites and least favorites while also being a freaking defensive pain, the bland coloring with an overabundance of dull gray, and most of all that freaking creeper stare with its unsightly yellow eyes and the green rings under htem. Other than that, though, it's really not too bad; unlike Ferrothorn, I can actually buy Ferroseed as a durian-inspired Pokemon, despite both its English and Japanese names containing the word "seed," plus I actually thought Ferroseed's in-game animation was pretty cute with how it spun around in place and it probably went up one or two dozen spots for that animation alone. Unfortunately it's still pretty boring overall and, more often than not, a final evolution that I really, really hate is death knell for the pre-evolution unless it's radically different, which Ferroseed isn't, and so a lot of that drags it down this far.

613/154. Shelmet: Generation V, #616

Shelmet being a pure Bug-type is probably one of the most illogical typing decisions in a series known for them. Think about it for a second: Karrablast, a pure Bug-type, steals Shelmet's armor when the two are traded, becoming the Bug/Steel-type Escavalier while Shelmet becomes the pure Bug-type Accelgor. SO WHY ISN'T IT PART STEEL?? The armor is still there and it would much more effectively demonstrate the relationship between the two lines if only they'd given Shelmet the dual-typing! UGH. Anyway, Shelmet is obviously more tolerable to me than his evil little brother Karrablast, but it's still not great. Even though it's not a Steel-type, it still has all of the boring design pratfalls of one: lumbering armor, monochrome color for the most part and too bulky. And despite its species classification, it doesn't really remind me of a snail because Accelgor isn't one and we don't see Shelmet under the armor other than his hilarious duckface, which is probably the sole reason that Shelmet outranks Karrablast by a good seventy spots. But duckface alone isn't enough to save such a mundane design in a field of interesting Pokemon like Unova's. Not nearly enough.

612/153. Zen Mode Darmanitan: Generation V, #555
Poor little Zen Darmanitan doesn't even get his own Dream World art! His face sums up his response.

So Zen Darmanitan, or Darmanizen as I typically call him, is not unlike Claydol or Nosepass in that it's a Pokemon who actually has a pretty cool design concept with a lot of cultural basis on paper, but it's also unfortunately fucking boring in actuality. As many probably know, Darmanitan is based on the darma doll, a Buddhist symbol of perseverance because the owner draws one eye, sets a goal, and draws the other after the goal is completed. So the fact that Zen Mode turns it into a slow, contemplative Special-based Fire/Psychic-type is interesting, both as an Ability idea and to reference his inspiration. However, the problems are multiple: Victini debuted simultaneously, making Darmanizen inferior; the type combination itself is awful defensively, which has bad synergy with an Ability that requires Darmanitan to be at 50% to activate; and the stat layouts of the two clash, with Darmanizen doing poorly in the two stats in which Darmanitan excels. All the battle worth in the world also can't make up for a pretty basic blob design that sports soulless eyes and no personality at all. So while I don't hate Darmanizen like most of these lower-tier Pokemon, and actually kind of want to use him in the TCG (PS yay for it being Psychic!), it's still pretty awkward and nothing makes me want to push it up further.

609/152. Klinklang and 608/151. Klang: Generation V, #601 and #600
So in the entries for the Kami trio and Basculin, I mentioned wanting to cut five Unova Pokemon to make the region equal to Kanto. Another of my choices would be one of these two genius brainstorms that Sugimori's team probably created at 4 AM the night before BW was released. People love to give Kanto Pokemon like Magneton and Dodrio crap for being cut and paste designs, but at least those were limited to two-stage lines and had more expressive base Pokemon, while the far more offensive Klink family painfully goes on for a full three stages of singular facial expressions and dingy grayness, with Klang and Klinklang in particular having the same exact design with only a fourth gear and a metallic ring slapped on to distinguish the two. Klang would be the one I'd excise entirely for being a completely superfluous intermediate stage, kind of like what Digduo would have been if Dugtrio were a third stage evolution. Klang even has the problem of resembling its evolution in the opposite direction, as I've actually confused it with Klink in some of its TCG artwork! And yet paradoxically I still prefer Klang's design to Klinklang's because the latter is a little too busy; regardless, Klang would be a horrible final evolution so that's why I'd cut him instead. In addition to my typical complaints of dullness, the family also evolves far too late and isn't that useful in battle, so here they go out.

607/150. Kyurem: Generation V, #646
Perhaps the most eye-rolling Pokemon conspiracy I've ever heard is the idea that Kyurem is supposed to be representative of the September 11 attacks. This was born because there just happens to be a desert near the NYC-inspired Castelia City, and somebody on the Internet didn't do his research, incorrectly stating that Kyurem's height was 9'11" and transplanting Giant Chasm's backstory onto the Desert Resort, thereby accusing him of embodying terrorists crashing into buildings via airplane or something. In reality Kyurem, who is the storyline remnants of the original Dragon that weren't used to create Reshiram and Zekrom, is based on the concept of wuji, the absence of yin and yang (Reshiram and Zekrom), i.e. nothingness, which is supposed to be represented by his Ice-typing. On that note, while Dragon/Ice is appropriate for Kyurem's story, it's also hilarious to me because Kyurem, a mascot Legendary, can't even claw its way into OU just because the Ice-typing is SO BAD. Anyway, I'm not a fan of Kyurem because its design looks awkward and incomplete, which I suppose is the point, what with those uneven "wings," super tiny arms and hunched back stance. Worse yet, his eyes are completely void of energy and just look creepy, and he also combines one of my least favorite types with my favorite type, and somehow inexplicably the final result looks more like a Dragon/Steel robotic bore than anything icy. Thankfully, Gamefreak realized what an clumsy mess vanilla Kyurem was and gave him some new fusion forms to address these problems in BW2.

606/149. Genesect: Generation V, #649
One of the more ridiculous early Generation V memories I have is the internet hearing Ghetsis's battle music and somehow thinking that 1) the choir was chanting "DENNIS! DENNIS!" and 2) that "DENNIS" was inexplicably referring to Genesect, making it his theme song and the Internet's nickname for him. Similarly, Genesect's name was leaked as "Genosect," making people freak out and think he was named after "genocide" despite his genetically-enhanced storyline. Anyway, despite this low-ish placement, Genesect has some redeeming qualities and I could see him making a small jump in my Generation VI rankings because most of this list was completed while Genesect existed as nothing but a static sprite and lousy fan art; that is to say, I like him a little bit more now that he has official artwork and has appeared in the anime and TCG, which perhaps is not reflected in this placement. And he does actually fit the role of his Generation's ultimate destroyer Pokemon pretty well, like Deoxys and Arceus before him, and in a way that the other three BW Event Pokemon couldn't. He also finally granted us a Bug-type Legendary which: yes, thank you, Gamefreak, even if you had to rely on the Bug/Steel pairing to make it good.

Now for the negatives: Genesect is easily the combo breaker of the Unova Event Pokemon, being INCREDIBLY inferior to Victini, Keldeo and Meloetta for my money. Techno Drive is one of the worst signature moves for Legendary, granting it nothing but a mediocre Water-type attack and inferior versions of moves it can learn anyway, like Flamethrower, and making four of the most redundant alternate "forms" ever, with only the color of Genesect's Drive changing between them. Genesect's storyline is also a bit of rehash of Mewtwo's, with it being created by its Region's villainous team, only not portrayed as well within the games because it's an Event Pokemon and all of that story got tucked away within the event. And worst of all, while seeing it outside of its single in-game sprite has mitigiated this somewhat, Genesect's overused dual typing gives it a very robotic design with awkward proportions and soulless (or, with its lit white pupils in the anime, CREEPY) eyes which, while flavor-appropriate, also leads to a Pokemon that I'll never overly love.

601/148. Therian Landorus: Generation V, #645
LOL I didn't even know until seeing his Dream World art just now that Therian Landorus has the same problem of his chest scales resembling a bra that Therian Thundurus does. Anyway, design-wise, Therian Landorus is oddly appealing to me, making it my favorite out of the all six of the Kami trio's forms and even having a noticeable boost above the others. It has a cool lithe, jaguar-like body that works well with design elements like the clunky tail and the big savage claws; since he's supposed to be a Ground-type god of fertility, there's a nice primal, earth-based animal feeling to its design that I really appreciate. Unfortunately, the unfavorable elements of the original Landorus pull the design down; for example, that clunky hammerhead "hair," too-bulky mustache, and especially his bug-eyed look of disapproval that brings on some truly horrifying glances. I also don't like how the Therian form retains his Flying-typing when he's clearly a land-based animal, nor how a limber design like this is actually slower than its original fat-guy-on-a-cloud forme. So while he's definitely an improvement, he's still nothing great.

599/147. Escavalier: Generation V, #589
I've always had a vague distaste for Escavalier since the first time I saw it. I really think it looks ridiculous thanks to the gladiator helmet, jousting pugils, and that bizarre swirly armor jutting out of its lower body, all of which are comically large and make the Pokemon look too over-the-top for me to take seriously. Also, overcompensating for its tiny body with all of this armor, that little POS Karrablast is still fully visible underneath it all, serving as a reminder both of its existence and how Shelmet was not part Steel. If I can forget about all of its annoying design elements, though it's hard, Escavalier isn't too bad otherwise. He's yet another Unova Bug-type who pulls his weight in battle, with great Defenses, superb Attack, and a decent movepool, although his abilities are all pretty terrible. His design in the anime is definitely an improvement, and even though he has the same awful proportions, his poses in the TCG don't bother me as much either. But he's still his terrible pre-evolution playing dress-up in the worst way possible, and he's still inferior to his counterpart Accelgor, so he can GTFO.

597/146. Durant: Generation V, #632
Gamefreak has an annoying habit of slapping Steel-typings onto any Bug Pokemon they're trying to make useful, and out of the three from Unova, Durant is probably the one who least needed to be Steel, as its typing only seems to be such to illustrate its relationship with Heatmor, but at the same time it's also the one I like the most. Why? Because at least it's a new idea for the series. For years fan wanted ant-based and/or anteater-based Pokemon and thankfully, we finally received both in BW. It's not even too horrible in battle, thanks to three stats over 100, Hustle, Hone Claws and a decent physical movepool, although Durant was perhaps at its most potent in the TCG, as the focus of the infamous Durant milling deck that existed for approximately six seconds before rotation came and EX Pokemon entered to crush everything in the BW TCG forevermore. And his English name is kind of funny just because it made me realize that some basketball player existed just because his last name was Durant too (oops!). But unfortunately not all wishes for new Pokemon bases come true in the ways I want, as Durant's positives can't overcome its Steel-type design, which is pretty dull outside of its psycho killer face, particularly in the TCG (O_O) and the anime (O_OOO) thanks to those giant pincers and creepy soulless eyes. Still, I admit that maybe I placed him too low and he might go up a bit next time.

594/145. Conkeldurr, 593/144. Timburr and 592/143. Gurdurr: Generation V, #534, 532 and 533
BW was the first time I really noticed that I had the same opinions about multiple entire families of Pokemon, and the Conkeldurr line is perhaps the most representative of this. All three are herpity-derp, palely-colored construction workers with comically huge clown noses and veins popping out of their (presumably steroid-enhanced ) bodies, and all three carry various building materials and parallels to the Machop family. Speaking of which, I think they have a different enough ~flavor~ from the Macho family to set them apart, but with that said I still prefer the Kanto crew because they don't have the scary blood vessel-bursting veins or creepy drug faces. I also don't really get why the tops of their heads all have different shapes or if that's even supposed to be significant, but I do like how Conkeldurr debuted in a later TCG set than its pre-evolutions; it felt so nostalgic of the Base/Fossil days!

Which one do I like the least? Conkeldurr, because his face is the scariest, akin to a cracked out pedophile, and its body markings are the weirdest, although it does get lulz points for using its pillars as walking canes. Which one do I like the most? Gurdurr, for having a bulky-but-not-egregious design, the best construction material of the three (I-beam love!), easily the most hilarious English name for a Pokemon ever, and because I used him extensively during the main storyline of Pokemon Conquest <3. (P.S. Congrats on being the rare middle evolution that I like the most from a family!) And then Timburr is just sort of there, not really being cute like the typical first evolution stage and also being the least notable of the three. So overall, the line is just okay.

591/142. Cryogonal: Generation V, #615
A pure Ice-type when slight design modifications could have given it a much more useful dual typing, a stat spread with surprisingly high Special Defense and Speed but laughably weak physical Defense, an encounter rate that's nearly non-existent for all but three months out of the year, and a movepool that, despite being a genderless creature, contains the move Attract: Cryogonal is just one strange Pokemon. While a snowflake-based Pokemon is new and not a terrible idea in theory, if they were going to go with this design, I probably would have just made the dark blue portions of Cryogonal into metal and made him some sort of weird Ice/Steel snowflake mirror because that would at least be a new, far less sucky, typing. Instead, on paper we have a demented ice crystal not unlike Glalie, but his face being shoved into the background of the design makes him into an uninteresting bore with an otherwise awesome type, much like Regice before him, and his awful typing combined with that bizarro stat spread and underwhelming movepool makes him all but useless. I kind of like Cryogonal for sheer absurdity of it all, but once I decided it was time him to leave the ranking, I didn't really have any trouble looking back.

584/141. Darmanitan: Generation V, #555

Way back in July 2010, I ranked Darmanitan last out of the twenty-one revealed Unova Pokemon at the time, writing the above blurb about him and, while I do still think those things about Darmanitan, and that he's still the worst out of those twenty-one Unova Pokemon, he's actually grown on me a bit over the years. I remember everyone throwing a fit upon his reveal that, in true fashion of this fandom , he was an Infernape ripoff for being a simian-based Fire-type, but I knew from his name and design that he was based on the dharma doll, as discussed previously. I just didn't like him for looking insane like he wanted to eat me, but thinking about it some more... he does have a LOT personality, even if it's not one that I particularly love. Seeing him in the anime in, like, one of the two BW episodes I've seen, as well in the card game helped me understand and appreciate his personality more, and I was surprised and actually kind of impressed that he is considered one of BW's top tier in-game Pokemon due to his stats and movepool. And, even though Darmanizen is a bore himself, it is cool how Darmanitan gets his own unique ability and alternate form. So I like him... just not a lot.

582/140. White Kyurem: Generation V, #646
I don't know how much higher he would have gone, but I feel like White Kyurem got a little robbed from me rushing through to finish this in time for XY. When I saw he was next up, I wanted to stop everything and bump him more but forced myself not to because that'd open up a Pandora's box of tweaking I can't handle right now. I constantly vacillated between whether I preferred Black or White Kyurem; I like Reshiram more than Zekrom (oops spoilers) and Special-based stats more than Physical-based ones, so White Kyurem had the edge early on, but eventually White Kyurem's face and lack of color contrast compared to Black Kyurem did him in. The creepy zombie eyes and clunky ice jaw from Kyurem really kind of ruin Reshiram's majesty and the shades of ice just don't look as good on white fur... but, on the other hand, White Kyurem still looks pretty cool when he fills up red energy like in the forum's header image, and just about anything is an improvement over the awkward incomplete mess that was the original Kyurem. The whole "fusion" aspect was interesting for a one-off thing but it's definitely not something I'd want to see spammed out to every Pokemon, especially because the Kyurem forms have the highest BST out of anything other than Arceus. -_- How they created White and Black Kyurem and implemented them as mascots for BW2 was kind of cool and creative, too, so overall White Kyurem's alright and will probably be pushed up a bit more in 2017.


581/139. Scrafty: Generation V, #560
UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT: I don't get everyone's obsession with the Scrafty family. So many people rave about how cool and creative he is but "wigger who resembles a used condom combined with an uncircumcised penis" is not something high on my list of things to fantard over, sorry. And while the foreskin thing IS definitely creepy, it's Scrafty's face that is the most offensive thing about it because he's constantly looking somewhere between being unimpressed and like he's ready to puke on me in just about all of his artwork. Exhibits A, B, C and D, you're welcome. I also find him pretty frustrating for being the series' first Dark/Fighting-type; you'd expect two types together would create some sort of evil, kickass demon warrior who could destroy you just from looking at you the wrong way, but instead we got some weird-ass lizard thing who doesn't even specialize in offensive stats. And of course his awesome type coverage, deep movepool and great abilities mean people use him ANYWAY. Thank god Pangoro came along to do that combo some justice and Fairy now exists so I can kick Scrafty's ugly ass with it and cackle about his 4x weakness. <3 With all of that venom spewed, I do have to admit that Scrafty isn't entirely without merit; I do like his color scheme of yellow, orange and black and he does have a little bit of style, even though it's not really a style for me.

575/138. Eelektrik, 574/137. Eelektross, and 573/136. Tynamo: Generation V, #603, 604 and 602
Honestly, this family being this high surprises me because I've hated eels ever since Unagi traumatized me as a child playing Super Mario 64, and they're based on the entirely MORE creepy lamprey eels (omg some of those pictures o_o). But this family is.... okay. Now that Fairy exists, their main claim to fame is going to be that they're the only Pokemon with no weaknesses (until Levitate is nullified), which is funny because the TCG still hasn't gotten this right and every single card of them so far is weak to Fighting. Eelektrik is the worst of the line because he's got some of that typical middle evolution syndrome going on, lacking the cooler details of Eelektross and being uglier than Tynamo thanks to that gaping, derpy mouth, but I still kind of like him anyway because he's the only one who gets level-up moves (unique for a three-stage line), he looks really cool in this card and, hilariously, this card was WAY more playable than any Eelektross card ever was. Eelektross is a more fully-realized version of Elektrik with bigger fangs and claws, and I honestly love his BW animation because of the way his body lights up and how he kind of dances like a derp on those "foot" fins. And Tynamo, BW's token random Pokemon who has almost no movepool for no apparent reason, is actually kind of cute and looks like a little battery. Really I'm only taking the family out here because they're pretty bland overall, but bland is hardly the worst opinion I could have had about them, considering.


572/135. Palpitoad and 570/134. Seismitoad: Generation V, #536 and 537
So, these two.... I don't even know what to say about them, really. They're pretty non-descript other than the disgusting warts that dominate their designs and, conversely, the fact that I was forever brain-scarred by some kid on GameFAQs saying he loved Seismitoad because he looked like he was covered in boobs. Because titty toad warts are so sexually appealing, oh boy! I think Palpitoad is kind of cute and the fact that the anime and TCG exist to depict his eyes as something other than two little beads shoved up at the top of his head make me appreciate him a bit -- seriously, this card is adorable and awesome -- but strangely, despite its evolution having a massive creeper face, I like Seismitoad a little bit more because his design is a little more complete and interesting. They're definitely Unova's version of the Poliwag line, although not as good in design nor probably battle... and they're definitely the worst of the Water/Ground-types in design and only better than Whiscash in battle... but at least as far as frog and toad Pokemon go, they're better than Croagunk and Toxicroak. Also, this line is really freaking boring. FROAKIE IS BETTER. <3

564/133. Alomomola: Generation V, #594
Alomomola was one of the most discussed Unova Pokemon in the game's pre-release and all because people incorrectly assumed it was a Luvdisc evolution. Problem one: wasn't it revealed really early on that no Unova Pokemon were related to old ones? And real talk: although I could see why people jumped to that conclusion, I never actually thought that Alomomola was Luvdisc's evolution. It all just seemed way too obvious with Alomomola looking far too similar to Luvdisc to take seriously; like, if they were actually going to bother giving Luvdisc of all freaking Pokemon an evolution, they'd probably be a little bit more creative than slapping some wings on it but still retaining the same uninspired heart-shaped body. Plus, I'd already been burned from making crazy predictions like Zoroark's silhouette being a Mightyena evolution to make that mistake again. Of course, the similarities between the two makes it all the more ridiculous that they're in no way related, and the fandom reacted with as much hostility as you'd expect about it, but I'm actually kind of glad because Alomomola... isn't very good. It's actually way uglier than Luvdisc and other than the gargantuan HP its overall stats are nearly identical with only a slightly different distribution, so at least if they ever want to give Luvdisc a proper evolution (LOL), it could still be decent. So why is it this high and above Luvdisc? Well, I can't deny that Alomomola's design is definitely more interesting, even if it's all superficial cosmetic changes, and I like how it has a more defined healing role in its flavor text. It's also pretty funny listening to people on Youtube trip over its palindrome mess of a name every time they pull one of its cards.

562/132. Zweilous, 561/131. Deino and 559/130. Hydreigon: Generation V, #634, 633 and #635
I originally was going to cut this entry at Deino, but then I noticed that Hydreigon was up next, so... rather than writing the same things again later, here we go. In previous entries I talked about some Unova Pokemon/evolutionary lines being highly similar to each other to help bump up the Pokedex count, and the Deino is definitely a little guilty of this, because Deino and Zweilous are pretty much the same freaking Pokemon except that Zweilous has an extra head. There's also definitely the feeling of Deino being a rehash of Bagon, due to their similar types, body shapes and head shapes, hence them being only a spot apart in my list, but at least neither Bagon nor Deino are horrible and Zweilous isn't a generic, boring cocoon. And I should probably hate this line for combining my two LEAST favorite types, but you know what? I actually... don't. Sure, Deino and Zweilous's eyes being covered by their shaggy hair kind of makes them boring because I place such an emphasis on the eyes and face when it comes to designs, but at the same time it's also actually kind of goofy and endearing, especially for the Region's token Pseudo Legendary line? Sugimori also stated that the line was originally intended to be cyborg dragons before being scrapped and redone based on yamata no orochi which... definitely is an improvement to me since robots in this series are boring.

Additionally, unlike Salamence, Hydreigon doesn't feel like an eye rolling attempt to recreate an older Pokemon and, unlike Garchomp, his design isn't such a busy eyesore that it gives me a headache. And unlike either, the fanbase has barely made a peep about Hydreigon being so OMG COOL AND AWESOME which is perhaps most refreshing of all. I could do without the creepy soulless demon eyes, but otherwise there's just enough cool factor that makes Hydreigon stand out, even though he could have looked much crazier because he was originally intended to have eight heads like his inspiration! In other words he could have looked like Tiamat from Final Fantasy with two more heads -- could you imagine Pokemon's sprite artists trying to pull that off in non-HD 2D graphics?? -- but I guess a black Tryclyde from Mario 2 works almost as well for me. I like that there's finally a Special-based Pseudo line, that they evolve at such a late level and that people on Youtube are always mispronouncing their names as "Deeno," "Zwaylous" and "Hydrogon" because they don't realize the English names include the German words for one, two and three. But they're still not exactly my kind of Pokemon so I appreciate, but don't love them.

550/129. Tympole: Generation V, #535
Tympole is kind of cute and definitely the most authentic tadpole-based Pokemon in this series, but its face is also kind of uncomfortable to look at sometimes with those magic marker eyebrows and it's definitely not as cute as Poliwag. It also has far worse evolutions than Poliwag, as previously discussed, so that doesn't exactly help him either. His in-game animation with him flopping around on dry land is very reminiscent of the baby Wogpoles in the Pikmin series, so that's kind of funny too, I guess.

548/128. Black Kyurem: Generation V, #646
Like I said in the write-up for White Kyurem, I prefer Reshiram to Zekrom, but Zekrom's design with Kyurem's elements works better on the whole for me than its counterpart's. For one thing, Zekrom is already the more rough, masculine Pokemon of that duo so tossing on Kyurem's random unrefined body parts doesn't really take Zekrom's design in awkward directions it wasn't meant to go. Zekrom's black coloring also works a lot better with the icy blue and gray of Kyurem, providing a lot more contrast to the eye than White Kyurem who looks like an avalanche of blah. Black Kyurem is notable for being a OHKO-slaying beast in the TCG thanks to the brokenness of Blastoise's Deluge Ability (P.S. Blastoise <3 Deluge <3), which actually is at odds with his more infamous role in the competitive VG metagame. You see, despite being a 700 BST mascot Dragon Legendary, Black Kyurem unfortunately has a dual-typing that includes the godawful abomination known as Ice, which is so bad that Black Kyurem and his Uber stats aren't good enough to be banished to Uber. Oh, sure, people rationalize with weak claims like "his Speed isn't high enough" and "his movepool isn't good enough" even though A of all, 95 base Speed isn't slow and B of all, his STAB Dragon Claw has nearly unresisted coverage with Fusion Bolt running off his BASE 170 ATTACK and he can run STAB Ice Beam off his BASE 120 SPECIAL ATTACK. Let's just face it, the fact that Black Kyurem isn't Uber is both hilarious and a sad testament to how terrible Ice is (soon to be made even worse once XY comes out, ty Gamefreak x0 ). P.S. his right arm looks like a giant dick hammer in the forum header.

545/127. Patrat: Generation V, #504
Patrat is literally all of things people said Bidoof was five years ago that weren't actually true: it's ugly, scary, stupid, has a terrible evolution, is worthless in battle, has a dumb name, etc., yet there's nearly no childish outrage over Patrat's very existence like there was Bidoof, which is just so hypocritical and standard for this fanbase. The chipmunk aspect of Patrat's design is fine and would have been great if he could get to be cute sometimes in supplementary materials like Rattata, Sentret and Bidoof do, but unfortunately they went with a secondary "scout" theme for Patrat which causes his eyes to look permanently robotic and frightening and, while that did lead to one humorous Rare Candy Treatment gag, all it really accomplishes in the end is making sure that I won't like an ever-present vendor trash Pokemon that I'd already be predisposed to not caring about, just like most of his other tall grass-filling counterparts. Also, did I mention that Watchog is godawful? BIDOOF 4 LYF.

539/126. Solosis: Generation V, #577
When looking at him from design point of view, Solosis is possibly the most basic Pokemon of all time in a series that has winners like Voltorb and Luvdisc. I mean, it's a goo cell who looks kind of like a butt and evolves into bigger, twin goo cell. Riveting. But Reuniclus is pretty cool and that does at least grant Solosis more of a pass than he'd get otherwise, and he can be kind of cute in the most basic way possible I guess. Although he slayed the game once he finally got Psyshock, raising the Solosis named Huggy Bear (<3) who was traded to me by my boyfriend with Psywave and Rollout as his main means of offense for 25 levels in White was one of the most extremely painful Pokemon experiences ever. So overall: Solosis exists.

538/125. Stunfisk: Generation V, #618
Born out of the counter movement to Gen IV's Bidoof hatred, it seems like any vaguely derpy and/or trollish 'mon now attracts a swarm of fans because they too are counter-culture trolls. I myself enjoy a lot of derpy Pokemon, but I prefer my derps to be either derpy-cute like <3 Bidoof <3 or derpy-funny like <3 Lickilicky <3. Stunfisk on the other hand is derpy-boring, not having a particularly complex or interesting design -- it really looks like a foot-shaped fish, overall -- and being seemingly locked into a single O_O facial expression. Now, granted, there have been morsels of ~STUNDERPOWNAGE~ sprinkled throughout the last three years of his existence. The designers turning him into a Ground/Electric-type at the last minute when he was originally supposed to be a Water/Electric angler Lanturn rehash? Stunfisk's troll faces in the anime and in the middle of his BW sprite animation? Stunfisk being able to flap his tiny little fins to fly? Stunfisk's epic look of seduction? EvilPenguin's signature (below)? Stunfisk SLIPPERS??? But the overall package is a dull, flattened out Whiscash rehash that does not equal the sum of its parts, and hence I'm not a huge fan of the Derpfisk, even though he does bring the lulz ~sometimes~.

533/124. Scraggy: Generation V, #559
In the supplementary materials, Scraggy is actually a decently cute Pokemon with some personality on display, even though his TCG cards are all terrible and he didn't get to do much in the anime, and the way he pulls up his skin in his BW animation, though slightly unsettling, is still kind of adorable because he reaches out for a hug only for his skin to immediately fall down. So why is he this low? Well, this is what he looks like in his actual BW sprite:

And so while I was looking at this bug-eyed, fish-faced fuggo with a single skeevy facial expression for hours and hours and hours while doing my ranking, it really started to creep me out and get on my nerves. Besides, even the ancillary canons can't save Scraggy's jack-o-lantern grill and, as previously discussed in Scrafty's entry, gross and extremely overrated pants/penis foreskin/condom lizard design. Perhaps most offensive of all is that Scraggy is HIGHLY reminiscent of a less ugly Croagunk, who is a perennial bottom two Pokemon for me. So, yeah. He's okay but I definitely do NOT like him as much as everyone else seems to. PANCHAM IS BETTER, etc.

532/123. Vullaby: Generation V, #629
I'll probably get into this more with Mandibuzz, but the Vullaby line is SO disappointing thanks to their stat distribution in conjunction with their real life basis that it makes me want to SPIT (--Dawn Meehan, Survivor: Caramoan). Vullaby is less offensive only because she's way more bland and basic, with her ~flavor~ being quite similar to a typical Baby Pokemon, which: no thanks. Speaking of which, the name: does it rhyme with lullaby or baby? Either way, the ambiguity is annoying. The only thing that really saves Vullaby, which is perhaps so crass that only a westerner could have thought of it, is that Vullaby goes around wearing human skulls as diapers. Yes, that's right, this Pokemon is such a little bitch that she shits in the remains of your dead relatives. It's kind of a brilliant subversion of the typical cutest baby-like Pokemon, but not nearly enough to save her otherwise bland existence and eye-rolling stats.

530/122. Klink: Generation V, #599
I don't care about Klink, really, and never truly did, but it still pissed me off when people were running around labeling him a "Magnemite ripoff" as soon as he was revealed back in July 2010. Based on what, the fact on the most superficial level they're both small metallic objects? Girl, please, at least it makes sense for a bunch of Klink's gears to huddle up together because that's how gears actually work. Like Oshawott, Klink suffers from one permanent facial expression but at least it's one that looks silly at all times. And thank god they gave it a better English name than the Japanese "Gear." Other than that I've never had any opinion about Klink, despite Gamefreak trying so very hard to make it interesting; his line gets two signature moves and Professor Juniper even gets to talk about when Klink's existence was first documented, and all I can do is nod my head and apathetically mumble "mmmmhmmm" in same way my dad did when I was two years old and he couldn't understand anything I said but had to pretend to be paying attention.

528/121. Gothitelle: Generation V, #576
Given my preference for girly Pokemon, and with her being Unova's version of Gardevoir, you'd think I'd really like Gothitelle, but let's set things straight: Gothitelle is NO Gardevoir. For starters, in battle she's a watered down Gardevoir in stats, movepool and every other conceivable way except for the fact that she gets Shadow Tag as a Hidden Ability, but screw that because Gardevoir's Trace Ability is useful and actually fun rather than bringing back terrible memories of Wobbuffet's reign of terror. So what about her design? Also underwhelming; her face is all sorts of busted thanks to her weirdly-shaped eyes and tangled up weave, and even back when she was first revealed with Gigalith and Reuniclus, my thoughts were akin to "What's with that tower who resembles an accordion?" while others were professing their love for her immediately (P.S. reading that post reminded me of somebody thinking Gothitelle was a Mawile evo ).

A gothic Pokemon also brought eye rolling on my part due to the real-world "goth" fad of pseudo-angsty losers who regret the sun, and Gothitelle, despite being "goth" and having a pant-soiling scary (but also kinda cool) in-game cry and flavor text, didn't even get to be the first Psychic/Dark-type, which is disappointing. So why is she this high? Well, being a feminine Pokemon does buy her a certain amount of sympathy, and she's actually sort of goofy and endearing in the supplementary materials. For example, the "gurl please" pose in her Dream World artwork above? This being the first image of anime Gothitelle I ever saw, bringing on my "Gothmuppet" nickname for her? How I laugh everytime I see this card and how Gothitelle is trying to look seductive but failing completely? How this card combo'd with Accelgor is so annoying that the fact it's being reprinted has caused a mass hysteria among some players despite the existence of Virizion-EX? Overall, Gothitelle is actually alright. She's just not a star like Jynx, Gardevoir or Froslass.